ok..updating my blog for the v last time b4 A's. the past wks of so haven't been put to the best use but quite surprisingly looking forward to the A's. well actually more so to the end of it. as someone told me before,"after taking the A's, u'll feel like u can face anything in the world." haha..hopefully that's true.

yet another someone asked me whether i wld consider doing music in uni. i love music, but just not passionate enough to take it up as a pro. besides there's little career advancement. even my mep teacher encouraged us not to. nth much to do lor. go overseas study music in a conservatory- master classes, performances, etc. then come back be a music/mep teacher or performer. music is an outlet of expression, something i can endulge in when im feeling stressed. but no, i can't see myself make a living out of it. despite what i've just said, i really mind being a music/piano teacher, not for the sake of making money, but just to share this joy of music with others. n of cos to be part of the music ministry of which ever church that God destines me to be in. nothing beats glorifying God with the very gift that He has bestowed me with(:

things to look forward to after A's:
1. French
2. go back pri sch. hopefully can gather the gang
3. chalets
4. catch up with ppl
5. catch up with more ppl
6. baking and cooking
7. swimming
8. vball with 4L ppl!
9. reading
10. work. hopefully i can get a job at christofori/yamaha

God is Good! (: * got his sia offer. feeling happy for him. contract quite attractive although not much can be disclosed. haha..he got to settle his priorities first though out of gdwill i wld urge him to take it up. well most imptly he gotta get his basic wing n have gd health first..

and this..The Ragman. really meaningful and touching..

The Ragman

Even before the dawn one Friday morning I noticed a young man, handsome and strong, walking the alleys of our city. He was pulling an old cart filled with clothes both bright and new, and he was calling in a clear, tenor voice: "Rags!" Ah, the air was foul and the first light filthy to be crossed by such sweet music.

"Rags! New rags for old! I take your tired rags! Rags!"

"Now, this is a wonder," I thought to myself, for the man stood six-feet-four, and his arms were like tree limbs, hard and muscular, and his eyes flashed intelligence. Could he find no better job than this, to be a ragman in the inner city?

I followed him. My curiosity drove me. And I wasn't disappointed.

Soon the Ragman saw a woman sitting on her back porch. She was sobbing into a handkerchief, sighing, and shedding a thousand tears. Her knees and elbows made a sad X. Her shoulders shook. Her heart was breaking.

The Ragman stopped his cart. Quietly, he walked to the woman, stepping round tin cans, dead toys, and Pampers.

"Give me your rag," he said so gently, "and I'll give you another." He slipped the handkerchief from her eyes. She looked up, and he laid across her palm a linen cloth so clean and new that it shined. She blinked from the gift to the giver.

Then, as he began to pull his cart again, the Ragman did a strange thing: he put her stained handkerchief to his own face; and then he began to weep, to sob as grievously as she had done, his shoulders shaking. Yet she was left without a tear.

"This is a wonder," I breathed to myself , and I followed the sobbing Ragman like a child who cannot turn away from mystery.

"Rags! Rags! New rags for old!"

In a little while, when the sky showed grey behind the rooftops and I could see the shredded curtains hanging out black windows, the Ragman came upon a girl whose head was wrapped in a bandage, whose eyes were empty. Blood soaked her bandage. A single line of blood ran down her cheek.

Now the tall Ragman looked upon this child with pity, and he drew a lovely yellow bonnet from his cart.

"Give me your rag," he said, tracing his own line on her cheek, "and I'll give you mine.

"The child could only gaze at him while he loosened the bandage, removed it, and tied it to his own head. The bonnet he set on hers. And I gasped at what I saw: for with the bandage went the wound! Against his brow it ran a darker, more substantial blood - his own!

"Rags! Rags! I take old rags!" cried the sobbing, bleeding, strong, intelligent Ragman.

The sun hurt both the sky, now, and my eyes; the Ragman seemed more and more to hurry.

"Are you going to work?" he asked a man who leaned against a telephone pole. The man shook his head.

The Ragman pressed him: "Do you have a job?"

"Are you crazy?" sneered the other. He pulled away from the pole, revealing the right sleeve of his jacket - flat, the cuff stuffed into the pocket. He had no arm.

"So," said the Ragman. "Give me your jacket, and I'll give you mine."Such quiet authority in his voice!

The one-armed man took off his jacket. So did the Ragman - and I trembled at what I saw: for the Ragman's arm stayed in its sleeve, and when the other put it on he had two good arms, thick as tree limbs; but the Ragman had only one.

"Go to work," he said.

After that he found a drunk, lying unconscious beneath an army blanket, an old man, hunched, wizened, and sick. He took that blanket and wrapped it round himself, but for the drunk he left new clothes.

And now I had to run to keep up with the Ragman. Though he was weeping uncontrollably, and bleeding freely at the forehead, pulling his cart with one arm, stumbling for drunkenness, falling again and again, exhausted, old, old, and sick, yet he went with terrible speed. On spider's legs he skittered through the alleys of the City, this mile and the next, until he came to it's limits, and then he rushed beyond.

I wept to see the change in this man. I hurt to see his sorrow. And yet I needed to see where he was going in such haste, perhaps to know what drove him so.

The little old Ragman - he came to a landfill. He came to the garbage pits. And then I wanted to help him in what he did, but I hung back, hiding. He climbed a hill. With tormented labor he cleared a little space on that hill. Then he sighed. He lay down. He pillowed his head on a handkerchief and a jacket. He covered his bones with an army blanket. And he died.

Oh, how I cried to witness that death! I slumped in a junked car and wailed and mourned as one who has no hope - because I had come to love the Ragman. Every other face had faded in the wonder of this man, and I cherished him; but he died. I sobbed myself to sleep.

I did not know - how could I know? That I slept through Friday night and Saturday and its night, too.

But then, on Sunday morning, I was wakened by a violence.

Light - pure, hard, demanding light - slammed against my sour face, and I blinked, and I looked, and I saw the last and the first wonder of all. There was the Ragman, folding the blanket most carefully, a scar on his forehead, but alive! And, besides that, healthy! There was no sign of sorrow, nor of age, and all the rags that he had gathered shined for cleanliness.

Well, then I lowered my head and trembling for all that I had seen, I myself walked up to the Ragman. I told him my name with shame, for I was a sorry figure next to him. Then I took off all my clothes in that place, and I said to him with dear yearning in my voice: "Dress me."

He dressed me. My Lord, he put new rags on me, and I am a wonder beside him. The Ragman, the Ragman, the Christ!

- Walter Wangerin

aun, this is for u ;)

Dear Diary - Britney Spears

Dear Diary
Today I saw a boy
And I wondered if he noticed me
He took my breath away
Dear Diary
I can't get him off my mind
And it scares me 'cause I've never felt this way
And no one in this world
Knows me better than you do
So Diary, I confide in you

Dear Diary
Today I saw that boy
As he walked by I thought he smiled at me
And I wondered
Does he know what's in my heart?
I tried to smile but I could hardly breathe
Should I tell him how I feel?
Or would that scare him away?
Diary tell me what to do
Please tell me what to say

Dear Diary
One touch of his hand
Oh, I can't wait to see that boy again
He smiled...
And I thought my heart could fly
Diary, do you think that we'll be more than friends?
Yeah, yeah, Ooh
I've got a feelin' we'll be so much more than friends
Oh, yeah


pig, this is for u (:

Dear Diary - M2M

Dear Diary,
Something good happened today
He finally called me by my name
I didn't know how to behave
What to say or do
I was so confused

Dear Diary,
I wanna talk to him again
But whenever he is with his friends
He keeps trying to pretend
But I already see
The way he feels for me

What can I do?
Tell me what can I say
When do I let him know I feel the same way?
How can my feelings be so hard to show when
I really want him to know

Dear Diary,
He wrote some letters on his hand
It wasn't hard to understand
I figured I'm part of his plans
But now I'm in his heart
I don't know where to start

What can I do?
Tell me what can I say
When do I let him know I feel the same way?
How can my feelings be so hard to show when
I really want him to know

BRIDGE
You're my secret hiding place
Where my private thoughts are safe
And just one look and he will see
What's inside of me

What can I do?
Tell me what can I say
When do I let him know I feel the same way?
How can my feelings be so hard to show when
I really want him to know

What can I do?
Tell me what can I say
When do I let him know I feel the same way?
How can my feelings be so hard to show when
I really want him to know

Dear Diary
Dear Diary
Dear Diary
Dear Diary

[chloe is a nice name! so is natasha! haha..take a poll..which is nicer?]

Lol. Ok, gd sugguestion from pc. Shall do this post in word then, since I was so pissed after the comp died halfway while I was typing on blogger. Half regretting to upgrade or rather downgrade to blogger beta alr. The entry pg took forever to load.

Yest was my first time at cell. I had a gd time spending time with God and making new friends. Ppl like darryl, xinrui, xiaowen and of cos gail, I alr knew. Others: Melissa, Cheryl, grace, janet, cliffton(?), his wife (forgot her name), baby noel/noah! And some others I forgot. Went quite early since I was in sch anyway, to hand up sgc, so I watched inuyasha with them though I tot the storyline was quite lame. No offense. Haha.. sidetrack: its weird seeing word doing spellcheck and all my first alphabets capitalizing. Baby was damn cute! Haha..he kept drooling. Anyway, cell started off with some games, courtesy of gail. We played follow the leader aka c^7 as she called it. Then there was this thing called ‘from the bottom of my heart’ which apparently someone wld share with the cell bout sthing but yest everyone had to share bout their wk and how God impacted on the wk’s events. So I shared bout the 2 granite tiles in the kitchen that fell near my sis’ feet. Thank God she’s unhurt. After which we had praise n worship, led my this guys whose name starts with j. Sang 2 of my fav praise songs, ‘that’s what we came here for’ and ‘King of majesty’ absolutely love them. Then we had some sort of bible study by Melissa. We did Acts 8 which is bout Philips’ evangelism and how God enabled him to spread the Word far and wide, which then some of shared bout the times we tried to share the gospel. Subsequently we closed with a prayer and that just about ended yest’s cell, at 10.05pm. Luckily my mom didn’t say anything when I got home. Praise God. I feel my faith being renewed.

Then today I finally fixed the light in the studyrm. 2 of them. All by myself. :D haha..is that cheap thrill? I think not. It’s quite a big deal for someone who has phobia of heights k. anyway, my mom got 2 of those long fluorescent light bulbs from downstairs. I got the lousy ladder. One of the rungs is kinda unstable cos the hinge that supported one side of it was broken by my dad yrs ago. Ya anyway, in between crossing from the shaky ladder to my study-table and back to the ladder again, I had many thoughts running in my mind. Like y am I doing this. Yes, Im doing this cos my dad’s not at home to do it and the rest of the family don’t care. Suddenly I feel to masculine. Yucks. Haha. Yay, im not the stereotyped damsel in distress, don’t need a guy to do my bidding.

Feeling pissed now cos my mom forced me to cook dinner when im not hungry. My sis is slping alr and if she’s hungry she can eat the leftover lunch man. First sis was having exams, I cook dinner and do the dishes. Fine. Now her exams are over. I still cook dinner and do dishes. Wth man. Then she was like no food see how u study. She has a pt, but y cldn’t my sis cook instead of going out with her?! Like 18 days more to A’s. Its not that im lazy or wad. Wad used to be a pleasure is now a chore really. I don’t have the patience to stand in front of the fire to wait for the food to cook. Not now. And if it really takes such a short while to cook, u cld jolly well come home then cook.

ok..i felt abit sheepish just now. all that emo for some days ago for nth. that fuss over nth. actually i wld rather that it was the case of me being oversensitive rather than my worst nightmares coming true.

anyway, the pet topic that most sa ppl wld be writing bout today: j2's farewell. woke up by alarm at 6am today, was so tired that i only woke up 45min later. and had to rush for time. but i forgot to select the postcards to write for benzene ring and bob. so that took abit of time and i missed 966 by 5 mins. arrived late for chapel. the teachers' items were really nice. and joel, mr chong, mr lim, mrs lim spoke. aun cried.

civics: cca records, promos result slips, entry proof were given out. we got keychains with sch crest frm the sch. ms lee gave us little notes and this tile with our names, class, yrs written on it with a magnet behind. very sweet..thank you ms lee! and gaf-ers showed the video they painstakingly did for us. really thoughtful indeed(: all the wonderful memories, what better way to end the term on a nostalgic mood. haah..jk. those times spent tog were really memorable. i'll definitely miss each and every single one in class..took lotsa photos, mostly with kn's cam. went to find some guitar ppl to take photo with. although it was quite sad not being to find most of them like johnny, val, subing, anxian, natt, my section leaders, etcetc.

anyway, had reception. the food was ok i think altho i kinda paled in comparison to speech day. and i ate mostly the steamed thing. most of them were fried. din like the donuts and choc pastry.

actually wanted to write sthing for/bout our class ppl, esp those whom i din write too. but im quite tired alr..

miss my piano super lots man..desperately need tuning too. it's like 1 semitone sharper. and someone lend me the score for daniel powter's free loop. damn hot man that song. original key in C. figured out some parts on the piano but obviously its flat cos in order to match the key of the recording, i had to venture Db major which was like yucks. and it still sounded bad. like some oriental music.

sian. itchy fingers.

i swear my mom has OCD. obsessive compulsive disorder. keeps buyingbuyingbuying to stockupstockupstockup. soo irritating. then she goes on to complain how much she spent on marketing. then she force-feeds us. ARGH.

was going thru the past bio papers. i was like 'crap, i cld have done this this and that.' feeling quite down for screwing up all my bio papers. maybe i shld have dropped phys instead. after all, i did improve. its like i study so hard for bio, muchmuch harder than the other subjects. yet..

dunno lah. i used to pride myself in doing for the subjects i like. not anymore. now, i like the subjects i do well in. which is actually nil. haha..ok. i like the things that i can do well in. at least by my standards.

will they declare sch hols soon? not as if we'll be really affected in anyway. will they decide to postpone the A's to a later date due to the haze? just dreaming. altho i desperately need more time, i also wld like it to end asap. my dry throat has this painful lump especially when i swallow and my eyes hurt. cos mom doesn't allow me to on aircon. and now she wants to force me to eat dinner when obviously i don't have appetite or else i wld have eaten long ago. crazy. cannot get too stressed. i don't want white hair. God! i need Your grace!